TI E NA MA DE

The elderly woman seemed frantic as she turned around and asked a million times, “Where is the Chief Brides Maid?”

She was the entertainer, MC and comedian of the day – Alaga iduro for my cousin’s introduction ceremony. She hastily picked one of my cousins’ friends and crowned her Chief Brides Maid. Her goal? Lecture and make sure the CBM wasn’t slacking in her duties.

This event is our way of saying ‘meet the parents/family’ and like most Nigerian events, it had to be extravagant.

With a little trepidation from the Alaga iduro’s biting stare, I ran to my duty post of Chief ‘House’ Maid. It seemed I had a sticker on my forehead saying ‘ask me, and I shall give thee’. Suddenly, I was the assistant caterer. I was also the photographer making sure people took still moments with bride and the groom. I wiped the bride’s face while my own face was oily. I fanned her while I was sweating. I was chosen as a sign of love, for which I am grateful and I certainly do honour her choice (big smile).

“Where is her Ikpele, u don’t know where it is CBM? na wa o,” my mum said. I was practically responsible for d bride’s irresponsibility, huh!

She was beauty itself, in her traditional Iro and Buba with white accessories. She was oozing with joy, ready to be carried into another home, change part of her identity for this man she chose to become one with. I looked into her eyes and realized I wanted that too.

After the ceremony, I was simply exhausted! My bones ached from the unintentional exercise of climbing the staircase endlessly. And then the condolences, or should I say blessings or earthly rewards were sent in. ‘Shalewa, ti e na ma de.’ I was told repeatedly. I smiled and nodded my head politely. ‘Yes ma, yes sir, amen.’

Friends, family and well-wishers sang this song over and over till my lips had practiced a fake smile and my eyes shone like artificial contacts. Pressure was setting in and a hand was squeezing my throat. Some people bluntly asked details of my own wedding so they could prepare (seriously! take a chill pill) and some people prophesied ‘you are the next.’

I honestly appreciate prayers and questions but I hate feeling like I must walk in others’ footsteps. My point is why constrain and pressurize people (especially women) till they feel unhappy, incomplete and unworthy because they aren’t married at a certain age?

Countless people have told me ‘after school, what are you waiting for, you better marry.’ Like my sole aim of living is to be married. I do love marriage but I also have other dreams, ambitions, passions and purpose besides having a family.

I want to be a top-notch tax consultant, a writer after the likes of Chimamanda Adichie and Wole Soyinka. I want to be an entrepreneur and do a bit of fashion designing. I believe we all have other things we want to achieve just as much as we want to be mothers and fathers, wives and husbands. Being fruitful and multiplying goes beyond child bearing, it involves accomplishments, usefulness and actually leaving our footprints on the sands of time.

Truthfully, being single is a stage to be enjoyed and cherished, a time for self-reflection, not moaning and praying solely for a life partner. It isn’t a curse or crime, it’s a phase to be enjoyed.

D’banj says it all ‘don’t get it twisted love is a beautiful thing’, but there is still more to life. Like they say, timing is everything. With a little patience, confidence and faith, Mr. Right will come along and the rest will be history. So please next time you want to say “ti e na ma de’ let it not be just a marriage blessing, let it be an all round blessing.