TI E NA MA DE
The
elderly woman seemed frantic as she turned around and asked a million times, “Where
is the Chief Brides Maid?”
She
was the entertainer, MC and comedian of the day – Alaga iduro for my cousin’s
introduction ceremony. She hastily picked one of my cousins’ friends and
crowned her Chief Brides Maid. Her goal? Lecture and make sure the CBM wasn’t
slacking in her duties.
This
event is our way of saying ‘meet the parents/family’ and like most Nigerian
events, it had to be extravagant.
With
a little trepidation from the Alaga iduro’s biting stare, I ran to my duty post
of Chief ‘House’ Maid. It seemed I had a sticker on my forehead saying ‘ask me,
and I shall give thee’. Suddenly, I was the assistant caterer. I was also the
photographer making sure people took still moments with bride and the groom. I
wiped the bride’s face while my own face was oily. I fanned her while I was
sweating. I was chosen as a sign of love, for which I am grateful and I
certainly do honour her choice (big smile).
“Where
is her Ikpele, u don’t know where it is CBM? na wa o,” my mum said. I was
practically responsible for d bride’s irresponsibility, huh!
She
was beauty itself, in her traditional Iro and Buba with white accessories. She
was oozing with joy, ready to be carried into another home, change part of her
identity for this man she chose to become one with. I looked into her eyes and
realized I wanted that too.
After
the ceremony, I was simply exhausted! My bones ached from the unintentional
exercise of climbing the staircase endlessly. And then the condolences, or
should I say blessings or earthly rewards were sent in. ‘Shalewa, ti e na ma de.’
I was told repeatedly. I smiled and nodded my head politely. ‘Yes ma, yes sir,
amen.’
Friends,
family and well-wishers sang this song over and over till my lips had practiced
a fake smile and my eyes shone like artificial contacts. Pressure was setting
in and a hand was squeezing my throat. Some people bluntly asked details of my
own wedding so they could prepare (seriously! take a chill pill) and some
people prophesied ‘you are the next.’
I
honestly appreciate prayers and questions but I hate feeling like I must walk
in others’ footsteps. My point is why constrain and pressurize people
(especially women) till they feel unhappy, incomplete and unworthy because they
aren’t married at a certain age?
Countless
people have told me ‘after school, what are you waiting for, you better marry.’
Like my sole aim of living is to be married. I do love marriage but I also have
other dreams, ambitions, passions and purpose besides having a family.
I
want to be a top-notch tax consultant, a writer after the likes of Chimamanda
Adichie and Wole Soyinka. I want to be an entrepreneur and do a bit of fashion
designing. I believe we all have other things we want to achieve just as much
as we want to be mothers and fathers, wives and husbands. Being fruitful and
multiplying goes beyond child bearing, it involves accomplishments, usefulness
and actually leaving our footprints on the sands of time.
Truthfully,
being single is a stage to be enjoyed and cherished, a time for
self-reflection, not moaning and praying solely for a life partner. It isn’t a
curse or crime, it’s a phase to be enjoyed.
D’banj
says it all ‘don’t get it twisted love is a beautiful thing’, but there is
still more to life. Like they say, timing is everything. With a little patience,
confidence and faith, Mr. Right will come along and the rest will be history.
So please next time you want to say “ti e na ma de’ let it not be just a
marriage blessing, let it be an all round blessing.
Nice and funny. A little long though. I saw two different thoughts in this post; a part where it's all about the CBM and the other part where a lady is being pressured to marry. I think these two parts were not well linked i.e. the first doesn't flow so well into the other. But as a whole, it's thumbs up.
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